Hi, there. Thanks for joining me at FuelfortheSoul.net today. I'm happy to connect with you and talk about ways in which to find that missing piece of yourself once you become a mom. Last week I talked about finding your joy. Looking back at when you were a child and things that made you feel joyful like riding a bike, hopscotch, getting ice cream, and taking time to go do those things as a woman now without your children and trying to find that joy again inside of you. That reconnects to something that you carry on after the fact and bring back that joy.
Second today, I would like to talk about getting together with your friends. Now, I do have to say without children and also doing it outside of your house or anybody else's house. And there's one little caveat, you cannot talk about your kids until the end of dinner when everyone decides ... It doesn't have to be a big group, but maybe three others and you. Remember you're trying to connect to the woman you are. The idea is for each of you to bring a question. That question can be related to anything you want it to be. You can set guidelines amongst your friends, if you don't want to talk about politics or religion or anything like that. But you each need to bring a question along with you that does not have to do with child raising/ So maybe it's something to do with celebrities or the universe or meditation or anything that you're interested in or something obscure that you just want to bring up and talk about/
We don't get the opportunity as mothers to usually spend time talking to other women about worldly things. Topics and conversations usually revolve around our children. This exercise will take you all out of being mothers, and you're going to be just women. If/when you get sidetracked onto children, you're going to remind each other to not do that and save that for the end of the evening.
This is kind of fun because throughout the day a lot of us are either at work and it's just all work talk or we're home with our children or a little bit of both, and we don't get to talk about those things that are going on out in the world, or even silly things or movies or anything that you enjoy, a book that you want to recommend to somebody or you found interesting. But it's really a nice way so you're not struggling for topics. Everyone needs to think about their questions prior to going to dinner.
I know at times you're tired, a lot of times you're tired, and it's hard to get out for a little bit, but I really highly encourage you to do that. It's hard for me to do that. I'm someone who once I'm home, I'm home, and my children are even grown. It's difficult for me sometimes, and I have to actually make myself do it. When I do do it, I never regret it. I push myself a little bit, I just don't ever regret doing it. I want you to push yourself and make yourself a priority.
I hope that you have support so someone can watch the kids, or you have a babysitter to do that. It's important. And find a group of women that you can be yourself without judgment. I find that also difficult sometimes. A lot of people like superficial conversations. That's fine for a little bit, but we really need to talk about things that are meaningful. That's who we are at the core and sharing meaningful things without judgment. In an atmosphere that is comfortable and safe for you is so important.
A lot of times what we're feeling inside, we feel shame, or we feel embarrassed, and we shouldn't do that. I find it very hard to be vulnerable. This coming on live, doing this, is not easy for me. I have to talk myself up to do it. I look back at some of the videos and I see some different things I’m not always thrilled with. One time I saw a spot on my shirt that I did not realize. But if I waited until I felt comfortable to do this, I would never have gotten around to be doing it. So, you build confidence from doing something, not the other way around. You don't get your confidence first, and then are able to do that something. You have to go out and do it and then that helps you build your confidence.
I know when you're in the thralls of motherhood and you're tired, it is difficult to get yourself out of the house and away, but it's so important to reconnect to you as a woman and that will carry over. I just find that it's so important to find that support group. For many years, I didn't have it. It was a very, very difficult time for me. I just read an article about loneliness and I did feel very lonely. I did have a few people around me, but I was still lonely because the people around me did not know how to show me the support that I needed. And I didn't probably know the right way to ask. I'm not blaming the other people around me; it's just I know at times it is very difficult and I understand that.
But loneliness, in this article, they said that is equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day and even worse than obesity. So that's a startling statistic. Find a meetup group. Moms groups are also good if you can find them outside of your playgroups. And again, where it's not focused completely on the children. You have to do something that is related just to you as a woman not as a mother.
Someone asked me something about regretting having children, and I said, "No, they're my biggest joy of my life." But I do understand it's hard to find the woman that you were before. Children are a blessing. They're wonderful. But it's also tiring physically and mentally and it's just important to build that backbone as a woman because I believe when you are strong in your mind, your heart and your soul, you carry that over to all different areas. You're going to be a better spouse, a better partner, a better mother, a better friend, all those things.
So I know it can be frustrating, and I know that we don't get bonuses, we don't get those gold stars or big pats on the back, or those fabulous trips that you hear people who work get to go on because they've done such a great job at work. As moms, we don't get that. I remember I used to go to the parent/teacher conferences and that was my was my gold star, hopefully 😊. I wanted to make sure my children were respectful to both the Teachers and other students. That was important to me. Their grades were always important, but I wanted them to be respectful, caring human beings. So, when I would go to the parent/teacher conferences, that was very important to me to hear, but that wasn’t necessarily enough.
I hope that you will download my guide. We'll dive more extensively into it. There's information in there of course, but I also left it open to have it to be a discussion so that I could come on live and talk to you about it.
Please feel free to email me if you have any questions or concerns or anything. I'd love to connect with you. I want you to know that you're not alone. I might be able to make some suggestions to you regarding where to look for connection. Remember to do something joyful for yourself. Start thinking about the friends that you want to get together with, even if it's one girlfriend. Consider your questions and the topics you’d like to discuss.
I look forward to connecting with you.
Love & Support,